I have a problem with the ‘how’re-you-doing’ approach of keeping up with someone. Everyone feels obligated to give the latest in news with them instead of emphasising what made them so close to begin with; not their shiny new accomplishments in the life away from the person, but what brought them together, like noticing silly details from being stuck with each other all day in school.

I’m not trying to rework the fundamentals of human communication or anything, it’s just that I’m unsatisfied with the usual and common approach of keeping in touch with someone you love. It doesn’t suffice to ask how they’re doing and take turns, because for me, after sharing latest updates I still come off from the experience feeling like something is missing. I don’t understand who came up with this approach and made it a formality, because it feels so awkward for me. I don’t like trying to keep in touch with people by telling them as much as I can about myself. It doesn’t feel right because it was never about me, or him/her, it was about us, the dynamic we used to have & how we got it.

I’m not saying skip all talk of the present, but it’s not like it’s the present that keeps anyone together anyway. We’re social creatures & therefore we’re driven by nostalgia and sentimentality in all our contact. Rewriting it with today’s accomplishments of you, and me, doesn’t work in the big picture of us.

Basically I could be the president of Finland tomorrow but it won’t be what made us friends in college. If that is what ‘keeping in touch’ is, then I don’t want to do it. What if I ‘lose contact’ then? Well, I can lose contact with someone just as easy by overexposing myself to them online. It’s like they’re not there but they never left, they linger in form of networking profiles. I don’t want to collect profiles. I don’t think I can get the same satisfaction out of replacing my old friend with a profile. And I want that satisfaction, that refreshing feeling of having a cup of coffee with someone from high school you bumped into on the street, or screaming up and down and over your cats when the phone rings & they’re just as surprised your number is still the same.

So don’t throw a fit at my supposed silence. I haven’t forgotten.
I’m at home, waiting to guess where we left off.